Guest contributor
So you already know the Daddies snatched a wild victory out of the gripping clutch of defeat for one of the most glorious comebacks we’ve ever known.
What is perhaps most impressive is that our victory was achieved in the absence of many of the titans of Daddies softball—veteran and rookie alike. (All you fucking pussies who didn’t show up because it was too hot … fuck you. That’s right. If we could have thrown full beer cans at you from our dusty perch on the Mall, we would have.)
The scant few who did show were nervous early on, as Sarah Levy was the only lady to brave the sun and show up, despite numerous and patronizing phone calls to “Original Recipe” Kat and Epod.
In the end, the Daddies came back from an early 9-2 deficit to win 12-11 off Bones’ walk-off double that brought Sarah home for the winning run in bottom of the 7th inning. Other players got hits and made solid plays (and several terrible plays—see the 9-2 deficit), but there was only one MVP of this game and his name is Mike “Bones” Bolinder.
Not only did Bones drive in the game winning run, but if not for his pregame heroics, the Daddies wouldn’t have been in a position to win anyway. Facing an eminent forfeit for lack of female players, Bones—unannounced to anyone on the team—left our huddle and tracked down the first two attractive girls he could find. After his initial fears that they would respond to him in Dutch or French or some other fuckin’ language that isn’t American were relieved, he convinced them that playing softball on the Mall in 97 degree heat was the most Patriotic thing they could do.
And so the team was introduced to Britt “Big Money” and Madeleine Hoppock “Shades.” We suited them up in unclaimed Daddies shirts, gave them beers and sent them into the field. And to our very pleasant surprise, these girls could play—hitting for multiple RBIs and making plays in the field while playing barefoot.
Some credit should also go out to Epod, who did (finally) show up around the fifth inning and gave the Daddies the final boost we needed to overcome whatever team it was we played. But she neither hit a homerun nor got engaged during the game, so I really don’t remember much about her performance.
We may not have fielded a full team, kept an accurate scorecard, or stayed adequately hydrated, but damn it, the Daddies won. Let’s do it again tomorrow.
