BOTTOMS UP! DADDIES ERASE UGLY MEMORIES WITH BEAUTIFUL VICTORIES*

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*in flip cup

BOMBERS-TURNED-CLIENTS CAN’T MATCH FIREPOWER OF DADDY STALWARTS

FROGGY BOTTOM PUB — Lulled into a false sense of security by their “performance” on the softball field, the McNamee Clients suffered a devastating defeat to Pew’s Your Daddy in the Best of Eleven Flip Cup challenge Wednesday night. The Daddies, who topped the wannabe lawyers with a 6-2 performance, prevailed with characteristic modesty, saying only “Olé, Olé, Olé, Olé! …Olé! …Olé!”

Led by Richard “Last Stop” Auxier, the Daddies took the unsuspecting traveling team by surprise. The Ginger Giants failed to recognize the home-field advantage enjoyed by the Daddies. They didn’t even notice the owner of Froggy Bottom greeting the Black-and-White Boys and Girls like conquering heroes (which clearly they weren’t) as they entered the basement from their classy minivan cab. Several pitchers of Froggy Bottom Lager were filled — and emptied — in quick succession, but the Daddies always maintained control.

The dominance continued even as the line-up shifted. Molly “No Beer” Rohal admirably filled in for Elizabeth “E-Pod” Podrebarac, even though Rohal is practically allergic to the tasty brew of hops, water and barley. Ivan “Gray Beard” Sciupac taught rookie Scott “The Spill” Clement how to flip a cup in slippery conditions. And Auxier successfully goaded the opposing side of 22-year-olds, building on his years of experience taunting kickballers.

The Daddies dominance became so undeniable, the one Red Sox fan (a humbled Red Sox fan — can you believe it???) among the Clients repeatedly asked, “Who’s your Daddy? Who’s your Daddy?”

Pew.

Pew’s Your Daddy.

[Insert Auxier expletive here]

No doubt about it.

It was a sharp turnaround from just a few hours earlier, when the Underage Clients snuck by the over-staffed Daddies on the softball field with the score of 32-4. (The Clients, who admitted they don’t know math, mistakenly reported racking up 34 runs on the league Web site. Salt meet wound. But, given the circumstances, senior management decided a formal protest isn’t worth it.)

The Daddies, taking pity on a rag-tag group of high school buddies from a Maryland suburb so dismal that even Auxier never even heard of it, did all they could to boost the egos of the Red-Headed Stepchildren. One wily groundskeeper managed to score a run on four consecutive Daddy errors. On the same play.

The Daddies led 3-0 until a uniformed officer of the law forced them to drain their energy drinks in the second inning. Not so coincidentally, the Daddies lost their lead in the second. It was like Popeye losing  his spinach. Only veteran Jeffrey “Disco” Lehman managed to break the spell, when showed his sorry-ass younger comrades how to score against the in the bottom of the seventh.

(It had been since the first inning that the Daddies scored. It had also been since the first inning that Lehman batted. Coincidence???)

Luckily, with the help of an unidentified photographer providing the evidence, the Congressional Softball Team will be lulled into a false sense of complacency, as its most talented team hussles the likes of the Clients and the First F’in Amendments and the No Talent AZ Clowns into believing that we won’t destroy them in head-to-head competition.

MVP: Are you kidding?

OMG: After Kip’s first-inning home run, the Daddies went 25 batters without scoring a run. That was barely once through the line-up.

WTF: On his first at-bat, Nick “The Stick” Wiseman nearly took out Alec “Crazy Legs” Tyson, who was standing on third base. Wiseman smacked the pitch down the third-base line and smacked Tyson in the ass. It was that kind of night.

GOLD STARS: Auxier and Clements get props because they ended up holding the bag. Literally. Next time, we need two new heroes to take the equipment.

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Filed under 2009 Game Summaries, Post-game awards, dv