MVP Mike "Bones" Bolinger slides into third for a triple.
DADDIES WIN GAME OF BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS
THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT — Late-game heroics carried Pew’s Your Daddy to a two-run victory over the 24:Sixers Wednesday night, as the Daddies continued on their spiritual journey to the Congressional Softball League Tournament, seeking redemption for the sins of past playoff appearances.
The Daddies, riding a two-game winning streak after their 17-15 win, were able to hold off both one their more fundamentally-sound opponents as well as Mother Nature. Warnings of heavy downpour, flash floods and arc building proved to be nothing more than fear mongering from Daddies who had left their gloves at home.
The 24:Sixers, combining an appreciated mix of competitiveness and kindness, got their name for Psalm 24-6, which reads, according to God (via Google): “This is the generation of them that seek him …”
Unfortunately, for them, they were about to run up against the buzzsaw that is a rowdy group of white-collar young professionals who seek nothing more than big bats and Froggy Bottom lager. These Daddies wear on their lapels the pin of “most annoying team” with pride.
Playing the rare road game, the Daddies got things started in style as Alec Tyson, Elizabeth Podrebarac, Nick Wiseman and so on collected a string of well-placed hits, staking the Daddies to an early six run lead.
Pauline Vu also came through in the clutch early, retrieving a plethora of red cups out of the goodness of her heart; asking for nothing more than smiles on the faces of her teammates for her efforts. Her inspirational voyage would keep the Daddies spirits and blood alcohol levels high throughout the game. “I live to give,” said Vu, appreciatively gazing at her good work.
Veteran leaders carried the Daddies for much of the game. Mike “Bones” Bollinger, returning from a one-game suspension for not taking home the damn equipment bag, turned in an MVP-worthy performance with a single, double, triple and three RBI.
Jeff Lehmann stepped up as well, driving in three runs and launching an important home run late in the game that would put the Daddies up for good. After the game — and a few drinks — Lehmann brushed off the accolades, saying, as a veteran, this kind of performance is to be expected during a close game. “But I am damn good at darts,” bragged Lehmann.
The night, however, was not all fun and games for the Daddies. The 24:Sixers, powered by between-inning cheers and divine intervention, never allowed the Daddies to put the game away. They repeatedly came
back from multi-run deficits, eventually tying the game at 11 in the fifth.
Returning to the bench, Richard Auxier berated his team for “putting their heads down.” (Though, this was probably just the result of people concentrating while pouring beers, not doubt or disappointment.) After Auxier hit a two-run home run, the Daddies were so optimistic that his self satisfaction would keep him quiet that they added three more runs.
From there on out, the rest of the game was left to the defense.
Already tense from the close game, the slippery field conditions did the Daddies no favors. The wet field left the Daddies often out of position or face first into the ground (see Smith, Aaron).
Some Daddies were able to shine in the rough conditions, nevertheless. Danny Dougherty, pitching the entire game and inspired by the recent Batman movie, threw strikes and fielded his position extremely well. Also making an impact was Mike “Ratner” Light who, playing a new position, provided solid defense at third.
Some efforts were more debatable. Tyson, who had early shown a commitment to “team” by giving tips to prized Daddies’ prospect Tanner Horton-Jones, later exposed his misogynistic desire to win by plowing over Podrebarac during a close play at second and stealing a fly ball from Rachel Estabrook (his girlfriend …). But outs are outs.
The Daddies defense eventually proved too much for the 24:Sixers, who could not overcome the Daddies four-run lead in the seventh.
The Daddies left the field confident in their performance (Pride), hungry for more (Greed) and determined for vindication in the playoffs (Anger) as they headed to post-game festivities at Froggy Bottom (Gluttony).
Next Thursday (rain or shine!) they’ll return to the fields of D.C., but now with the knowledge that, like the Beatles before them, the Daddies are “bigger than Jesus.”
