AUXIER: FAILURE A BIGGER FEAR THAN BIG, MEAN CONSTRUCTION WORKERS
THE DUCK POND – Before Pew’s Your Daddy’s fateful showdown with the Grunley Bears, Daddies manager Richard Auxier detected an unease in the dugout. There was some grumbling. A stray worry here and there. Dejected comments. Doubt.
Yes, the Daddies were playing the Grunley Bears, a 19th ranked team populated by people who spent all day on construction sites. Yes, in a league of policy analysts, field directors, data crunchers, journalists and other assorted cubicle jockeys, these people actually knew what physical labor looked like. They probably all owned hard hats. Or at least knew where to find one. Maybe they weren’t the dirt-under-the-fingernails, bulging biceps, blue-collar steelworkers one imagines when hearing the words “construction company,” but they were as close to it they come in the Congressional Softball League. Even Auxier had to admit he was a little surprised.
And they had to be named the “Bears.” Not like those pansy bamboo-stripping raccoons. The real things. Big bears. With claws. And with fangs. The name of the most feared franchise in pro sports. The danger that topped Colbert’s threatdown time and time again.
Auxier called for his team to fall in around him.
“Look,” he said. “I’ve heard some comments about how big the other team looks.”
“Well, being big doesn’t win softball games,” he said, looking just a tad short as a few scrawny Daddies nodded in agreement. “You know what wins softball games? Not [messing] up! So don’t [mess] up!”
Harsh words, for sure. But a solid strategy nonetheless. One that would help the Daddies (5-0) scrap together a 12-7 win and second place in the Congressional Softball League.
The Daddies’ performance was far from flawless, but, when it mattered, they clamped down and kept mistakes to a minimum.
Once again, the Daddies fell behind early. After game MVP Alec “Pickles” Tyson opened up the game with a round-tripper, the Daddies fell behind 4-3 in the second inning. A rally by the bottom of the order of Mike Light, Kil Huh, Felisa Gonzales and David Becker put the Daddies back in control for good. Tyson scored again when getting on with a single. By the end of the third, the Daddies were back on top 8-4.
Tyson, the only batter to cross home more than once, capped off his game in the field with a home run in the sixth, which ended a two-inning hitting drought for the Daddies. But the fleet-footed Father also left his mark in the field, where he took charge of coaching the outfield. Forced to run through knee-length grass, the Daddy outfielders kept their cool when it mattered most. Early on, Light chased a foul ball way off in left field but couldn’t quite get there. The next hit, he again flew toward a long ball. He lunged in time to grab the ball in his outstretched arm. Later, Huh missed his first stab at a blooper hit over the shortstop, but he didn’t panic. His quick throw kept the runners honest and forced them to stay where they were.
But the real test of the Daddies’ mettle came in the sixth, with reliever Aaron Smith on the mound. Somehow the Bears managed to load the bases on Smith, while avoiding an out. With a weak hitter coming to the plate, Auxier warned catcher Pauline “Saturday” Vu to be ready. The hit was short. Smith scooped it up and lobbed it back to Vu, who stepped on home plate, forcing the out. What happened after Vu picked off the lead runner is unclear. Witnesses suggest Vu pulled her fist to her waist in celebration. Vu insists she looked to third and first to see if she could throw out some other sorry Grunley runner. Regardless, the moment was sweet. It was all the sweeter, because the Daddies escaped the inning without any further damage.
That’s the beauty of not [messing] up.
2 Comments
June 11, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I’m fine, no concussion, no shattered knee, thanks.
June 11, 2008 at 4:16 pm
What? You want a sympathy paragraph?
“Sciupac got run over by the speed machine Tyson and no one noticed until the play was over. No blood, no foul.” Haha.